For several years while living in New Brunswick, I was suffering from mental health issues. As I highlighted in a previous blog, my mother was diagnosed with dementia and my coping mechanisms veered down the dark path of substance abuse and remained unhealthy for four years. During those four years I experienced sexual assault and domestic violence. Because of the mental state I was in, I thought I deserved what I was experiencing, that my lack of sobriety brought these unfortunate events to me, and that I was at fault. I never considered looking into therapies or support until I became sober two years ago.

Two years ago, when I started my sobriety journey in Ottawa, my first therapist (a man) felt I would be more comfortable discussing the nature of my sexual assault and domestic violence with another woman. As I moved through this sobriety therapy journey, I then started an abstinence program with two female facilitators who also recommended more therapy around my sexual assault and domestic violence, but said that it was not their area of expertise. I was referred to a list of other resources. It was at this point that I moved from Ottawa to Toronto and my list of resources was back to zero. I started researching places in the Toronto area where I could get the support I felt I needed.

As I called places, I was told several times that because my trauma was not recent (within the last calendar year) I would be placed on a waitlist or referred to another establishment entirely. Two places denied me because my trauma was not recent, another location was at capacity and did not have a waitlist. At this point I felt quite defeated. I had worked extremely hard to build coping skills, but continuously being told my trauma was not valid enough was testing my patience and my sobriety. I was finally recommended to the Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence program at Scarborough Centre for Healthy Communities, a Community Health Centre with multiple locations in Scarborough (SCHC). After a few very simple intake calls, I started the group program, allowing survivors to learn coping skills and to chat with one another, which is then followed by one-on-one counselling.

After years of not believing my trauma to be worth treating, and after another two years of trying to chase down supports, I was finally being seen, heard, and taken seriously by SCHC. I am fortunate enough to have been attending other mental health supports during those past two years. I can’t imagine being someone with no support system, no healthy coping skills and being put on waitlist after waitlist to discuss something as serious as Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence.  A number of reports have shown that while the need for Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence support services was already high prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, a further spike in these forms of abuse over the past two years during lockdowns and tremendous pressures has increased the need for these programs even further, with waitlists continuing to grow.

Whether people are experiencing these traumas due to the pandemic, or like me, your trauma is 5 years old or more, the toll it takes is still real and present every day and in everything you do. These groups are life saving. I know first hand that continuing to resort to substances and risky activities to cope with trauma can lead to further harm or death, and that the stress and anxiety of consistently being afraid and unwell can ruin friendships, relationships, employment opportunities and one’s livelihood. These groups not only validate people’s feelings around their trauma, they allow them to find a way to live and love (themselves and others) safely again.